Reunion

The sun streams through my room as I’m woken up by its light. I have a hard time falling asleep, both during my night meditation for Yulin and afterward. The reason is simple: I could not get Tariro out of my head. The small quarrel I witnessed between the Mahag Chase players kept turning over and over in my mind, again and again. It all started with this one little comment from my friend Gudo. Sometimes, one sentence can make you question many things you did back in your life. Since the moment his words entered my head, I can not stop wondering if I have been wrong all this time. Perhaps Tariro just did what felt right for her when she trained with Shungu in the fighting room and never intended to hurt me while doing so. I never really tried to clearly explain myself to her. She does not know my true feelings, and I did not give her any chance to know them… I began to ignore her immediately after I was hurt, so she could not speak to me. Obviously, she must have figured out it was related to Shungu, but perhaps she still does not understand the rest. Knowing her, I am sure that she could force herself to stay away from me if she thinks this is what I want.

Tariro has not been my friend for a very long time yet, but I can feel my instinct attesting to my current thoughts. After all, she is that kind of person, a compassionate soul. I am certain she would do her best not to hurt anyone. And if someone decided to ignore her, she would respect it, no matter how hurtful it could be for her. She would accept it because she loves the people around her so much that she would rather let them go than risk hurting them more…

While I am once again thinking in circles about Tariro, I sense my eyes growing blurry. My pride is so thick that I never looked at the situation this way. This is the first time I am honestly asking myself what this quarrel must look like from Tariro’s eyes. And I am ashamed, for I have waited much too long for this.

I do not need more to push my mind into action. I leave my room in a hurry, not fully closing the heavy door behind me. Hurrying my pace, I cross the corridors quickly to reach the hall efficiently. Crap! People have already gathered. The communion should begin soon. As always, I am either late or just on time before we start our meditation for Zuva… Anyway, I should at least find out where Tariro is. Driven by urgency, I scan the people in the hall, searching for my friend. Our clothes are so similar that it is difficult for me to find her.

We all share the same outfit: a brown cotton shirt with a large cut. It is comfortable for everyday work. Our pants are also made with cotton and come right to the navel, attached by a modest piece of string. Their colors are lighter than the shirt, closer to a dark beige. We rarely wear shoes and content ourselves with being barefoot. The only exceptions are in the training room for our fights or when we want to play Mahag Chase. In those cases, we have leather sandals at our disposal.

Almost giving up, I finally catch a glimpse of Tariro’s slender shoulders. Finding my way through the crowd, I sit next to her. At first, she does not seem to notice my presence. She has always been genuinely focused during Zuva’s meditations. Still, when we grab hands for the communion, she recognizes the touch of my fingers and looks at me with surprise.

I smile at her, whispering, “I would like to speak with you during our midday lunch. Just you and me. Is that okay for you?”

She does not answer right away as we proceed with the meditation. My heart thuds in the silence, preparing myself for rejection. I try to calm myself. Do not be so worried, Xia. You have not given her any chance to reply yet. And so, I hold myself back, forced to wait until the end of our connection with the spirit of the sun, Zuva, to hear Tariro’s answer.

The meditation clearly seems longer than it usually does, but I grin and bear it. Finally, when we all stand up to leave the hall and join the refectory, Tariro turns her back to face me and answers with an uncertain smile.

“Are you coming? We are supposed to eat together, right?”

Relief washes through me at her words, and I answer to her kindness with a smile of my own.

Once our meal is settled, we are both silent, Tariro’s eyes fix on mine. I know she is waiting for my explanations. Inhaling carefully, I prepare myself. I scrutinize her face, measuring her mood. She seems to be listening with care and trust. Those are the eyes of someone who decided to forgive me before I could even utter a word.

My heart fills with recognition as I start my speech in the only sensible way.

“I am sorry. I was wrong to ignore you all this time. I was hurt to see you replace me with Shungu for the fighting sessions. As you never told me about it, I was saddened to find out in the heat of the moment… Still, I miss you. I don’t want us to stay like that.”

Grabbing my hand and smiling softly, she replies, “I miss you too. You know, even for me, all of this was very sudden. If I must speak about Shungu, I just want you to know that I never wished to replace you with anyone. Shungu simply came to me one day with warm encouragement for my poor fighting skills. Afterwards, I let him guide me in the training room without much thought. I was curious to see how it would be to be trained by him, that’s all. But… when I saw you look at us with pain and leave in a hurry, I felt bad for you. I never intended to hurt you. Since that moment, not a minute has passed without me worrying about you. Every single day apart from you felt like a wound. But I could not reach out. I would have felt too selfish to impose myself on you. I think I was afraid—afraid of hurting you any more than I already had.”

She pauses shortly, letting herself breathe before her next words. I can see in her eyes how she is doing her best to make me understand with ease and softness.

“I know what happened between Shungu and you, Xia. For sure, he was quite the jerk at that time. However, my relationship with him is not related to you, nor does it make all the things you did for me less important. He just happened to find the words I needed to give myself another chance at fighting.” Tariro exhales, her shoulders loosening. Catching her breath once again, she proceeds.

“You are amazing, Xia, sometimes even too amazing for me. The truth is, I needed someone closer to my own limits to find it sincere… This is stupid, I know, but sometimes I can’t help feeling like I’m good for nothing in every part of my life… I promise this has nothing to do with you; it is just me, lacking confidence in something I never imagined doing in my life. Yet life decided to surprise me, as today I find myself appreciating learning fighting techniques. Anyway, my doubts and difficulties have nothing to do with you. Most importantly, that does not mean I don’t want to share fighting sessions with you. Now that I feel a bit more confident, I would love for us to train together again. At least, when I have enough time.”

The lights of wisdom appear before me while Tariro finishes explaining herself. Everything is much clearer. I cannot blame her if Shungu’s words helped her get motivated to fight. Besides, neither of us wants this avoidance thing to continue any longer. So, with a few more exchanges, we both agree to restart anew and share our feelings more truthfully in the future. I even wonder if it would be a good idea to speak about the spirit of the moon, Yulin, to Tariro, but for now, I prefer to wait. I need more time to process my role here. If one day I share this hidden part of my life with her, I am certain she will understand why I needed time to do so. However, some puzzlement remains in my mind. A detail from her previous words has caught my attention. Even though we have made up with one another, I cannot forget this troubling matter. Hesitating a bit, I finally decide to ask her.

“Tariro, what did you mean when you said that you would love to train with me, at least when you have time? Is there something requiring a lot of your time?”

Tariro looks at me and waits before answering. She seems to be bracing herself.

“I don’t know how to explain this. You see, I cannot get the trials out of my head. I know the one I am supposedly most suited for is the Balms trial. That is why, since the announcement, I spend as many work afternoons as I can in the healing place. Thanks to my persistence and frequency, one of the healers I suspect to be a Balm told me that it would be interesting for me to read as many healing books as I can in the library. It seems to be an important requirement for the trial. Since then, I have spent most of my time reading books in this library. My time has become precious, I really want to be ready for the. trials”

Oh, so that is why she is very busy. That makes sense. Her explanation made me think about a discussion of my own. Leaning forward a little, I share the information with Tariro, “A fighter told me something similar, but it concerns the game they play in the gardens. Perhaps you are right; the way he said it seemed clearly to imply that it would help me for the Blades trials.”

She nods, excited, “You see, those must be hints for the trials. We would be foolish to ignore them.”

I tilt my head. “Why not support each other? We could split our time, what do you think?”

“Split our time? What do you mean, Xia?”

Forcing myself to be clear, I explain my reasoning. “Your basics with healing are clearly above the average members. And on top of that, you go to the healing place every day and read medicinal books every evening. You should give yourself some rest and do something else, like fighting sessions with me. Right now, you only go once a week. Why not come every other day? And at the same time, I would join you at the library on the other days.”

Her eyes lowered. “But how can you be certain this is the right thing to do? I feel completely lost. I want to follow my feelings. I love how my body feels light and powerful when I am moving around with a weapon. I truly want to fight more—believe me—even when I am so bad at it. Never in my life have I experienced such a thing before… Yet, I feel silly for spending time on something I will never master. My mind constantly pushes me toward the library, where comfort triumphs over pleasure. I have failed so many times in my life that now I simply want to succeed at something. I want to find a place of my own in The Community. Xia, this building is the first house in my whole existence that has welcomed me so warmly.”

I let her words settle before responding. Currently, she needs someone to listen to her. Once she is done speaking and ready to hear me, I carry on, “I know what you mean, Tariro… but sometimes, you have the right to be lost. You cannot always know everything and predict everything. It happens. So please, do not only be kind to others but also be kind to yourself. You just found something you honestly like, perhaps even more than healing. Then do it! And you will see with time if it’s the place you belong to or not. Before you can be certain about something, you must try it with all your guts.”

“What if I fail?”

“It would be okay. You can fail. The Community is a welcoming place; no one will let you down. And, if you wish, I can come with you to the library three times a week. This way, I can improve with healing knowledge and prepare myself for the Balms trial. And you, listen more to yourself and come to the training room thrice a week. I am sure it would be great. Think of it as a friendly exchange of good practices.”

Her lips part in a shy smile. “You are sure it is the right thing to do?”

I shrug lightly. “I am not. There is only one thing I’m sure about: this is what I want to do with my friend.”

She exhales slowly, “Thanks, Xia… I think I will try to listen to you and discover what life has in store for me.”

We hug each other, concluding a long-awaited discussion between true friends.

Month after month, Tariro and I train hard both in fighting and healing. I showed her useful body motions or efficient parries with the spear. In exchange, she helps me understand the plants and descriptions that are too complex for me. Later, after Tariro and I reconciled, we quickly reunited our trio, which soon became a quartet. Shungu joined us at Tariro’s request. I am not fond of him, but I accept standing in his presence if it makes my friend more comfortable. This way, she does not need to choose with whom to spend her time. And, I am certain Shungu is in the same position. A part of us is allergic to the other. Yet, I must admit that he can be kind from time to time. His posture is soft and patient when he trains with Tariro. Besides, this is not the only advantage of Shungu’s presence. Sometimes, Gudo makes discreet jokes about him when neither Tariro nor he can hear us. There is nothing mean about them. We are just childish friends sharing private jokes. And I must be honest, I love these jokes about Shungu.

After a few more days, everyone becomes accustomed to this newly formed group. Seeing how comfortable we are now with one another, I wonder if we would not have a nice synergy while playing Mahag Chase together. Therefore, I ask Gudo if he can play with us and train us. I must see for myself if Mundra’s recommendation to play Mahag Chase is interesting. I am curious to find out how much it will improve my fighting skills.

As the four of us started with our first Mahag Chase games as a team, Shungu, Tariro, and I truly discovered how much Mahag Chase can be an interesting game. Mundra was right. It is not only a fun game, but it also helps players improve their reflexes and strategies in stressful situations. However, being a group of four new members in The Community does not make it easy to challenge the more experienced members. Even if each of us does their best, in the thirty or so games we have played together, we have only won twice when luck was on our side. It happened when we achieved a sequence of fortunate moves. The hardest part of this game is when only two players remain on your team. Your defense becomes much weaker, and you have to demand much more stamina from your runners, who have no more than three rounds to get back on their feet. Fortunately, there is a special rule that Gudo forgot to mention the first time I played with him. When a team is not able to catch a single runner from the opposing team in three rounds in a row, they automatically lose the game. If the other team is in the same situation at the same time, the game ends in a draw. And so, in addition to our two victories, we achieved three draws. Still, we progressed and gained new reflexes from every match. I even witnessed the progression in my fights within the training room.

My mind grows more aware of my environment. Some details are now so obvious to me that I wonder how I could not see them before. The clearest example is the scars on the experienced fighters’ bodies. They have tiny lines along their shoulders, on the backs of their hands, or along their fingers. Thanks to the skilled healers we have in The Community, their injuries are discreet and difficult to notice. I use my improved observation to select my opponents and challenge the most powerful fighters. I lose several more fights after my first one with Mundra, yet I refuse to give up. And when annoyance becomes stronger than pride, I ask for Mundra’s help. I finally decided to learn the use of a shield. He accepts right away, and some of my sessions in the training room transform into shield classes. In his generosity, Mundra even agrees to include Shungu and Tariro. In exchange, I teach him my spear skills and moves. I take him along with Tariro and adapt my exercises to their huge difference in skills. Undoubtedly, he is a fast learner. And, I deeply appreciate our exchange of skills. I can tell he sees me as his equal. Except for our respective classes, we never fought a second duel. We are now comrades, and as logical as it is for me to never wish to duel with Tariro, it becomes the same with Mundra. With time, I learn to use the shield as an extension of my right arm, while my left, spear in hand, pierces and sweeps aside my enemies’ defenses.

Gudo comes sporadically to the training room so he can see my progression with the shield. He is sincerely encouraging me. Without him, I would have abandoned after a few weeks when the addition of the shield made my previous moves slower and my stance sluggish. As always, he is a gem who prefers Mahag Chase and sleep to fights.

Eleven months have passed since Tariro, Gudo, Shungu, and I joined The Community. A breeding stress has engulfed us as the trials draw near. I know they will start soon, but I never expected this soon.

This evening, right after we finish our reading session, Tariro and I go back to our respective rooms and are about to bid each other goodnight. Then, the moment we reach her door, a member I do not know is waiting for her. Her body blocks access to the door. This woman is here for Tariro. In a low voice, the lady declares, “The Balm trial has been called over you. Within seconds, you must come with me so I can guide you to your testing room.”

Surprised, Tariro turns to look at me before giving a reply, “You mean, now, right now?”

Understanding the situation, I hug her softly before letting her leave for the trial. I am shocked by how sudden all this is. If I also qualify to attempt the Balms trial, will it happen in similar circumstances? I cannot help but feel anxious for Tariro. She has prepared for many weeks and hours for this. Even if some part of me keeps wondering if she might not prefer to join the Blades, I have to root for her. It is the least I can do to honor all her past efforts.

Moreover, I cannot deny how strong she has become in a fight. Her fighting skills are not about power but cleverness. Patient and sneaky, she is able to wait for the right moment to strike. Like a snake hiding in the perfect bush to attack slyly. I am proud of her. Sadly, that pride in her recent fights cannot hide the stress I feel for her. Unable to sleep, I commune with the spirit of the moon. Her spiritual energy allows me to relax. Meanwhile, I let my bedroom door slightly open so I can hear Tariro coming back. Between two and three hours later, I hear soft footsteps resonating in the corridor. I do not need to look for confirmation as I recognize her way of walking. There is no doubt, this is her.

I run in her direction and hug her instinctively. No matter what she did, failed or succeeded, I want her to feel supported and loved. We both walk to her room in silence and sit on the bed. No tears or wet eyes are visible on her face, nor contracted brows nor clenched teeth. The only preoccupying thing with her body is its motion. She is shaking. And, it does not calm right away, no matter how forcefully I hug her. Keeping faith, I decide to wait for the necessary time, and we stay like this for ten, perhaps twenty minutes. I cannot tell, but I wait. Gradually, her body calms down. Finally, Tariro can find the courage to speak to me.

“They asked me not to divulge anything…”

I react spontaneously, “So don’t, just tell me how you felt.”

Her answer is final: “Overwhelmed.”

I nod to her and compose myself not to display my anxiety before her. Tariro needs me, so I bring myself back and listen more attentively as she dives more precisely into herself,

“It is impossible for me to say if I succeeded or not… Everything was too intense for me to remain steady.”

Exhaling slowly, she continues, worry written on her face, “Some part of me thinks I went through as intended, but the other cannot help but doubt. How could I not carry doubts when they asked such a thing of me?”

Wiping her one tear, she does not let herself stop and opens up to me, “Even if I find my way out of this trial and become a healer, I do not want it anymore. It is too much to carry, too heavy a burden. I want to fight, to let my body slide and express itself freely.”

Her words touch me in a way I did not know possible. Right now, she is showing me a remarkably determined Tariro that I have never seen since I met her. And this Tariro is more beautiful than ever.

Progressing in her thoughts, she resumes, “A few hours ago, I would have still been hesitant. Now it is no more.”

Then she pauses for a moment. Soon, she raises her head and adds with resolve, “Xia, I will need you.”

Worried, I retort, “Tell me, what can I do for you? How can I help you?”

Without hesitation, she announces, “Train me more fiercely than you ever have. No matter if only one, two, or three evenings of fights remain before the Blades trial, push me to my limits so I will be at my best during the trials.”

I am confused as I display a mix of contentment and hesitation on my face. Rarely have I seen Tariro so sure of herself. I must and will support her. “All right, Tariro, be ready for our next sessions. Next time we fight, I will treat you as a real enemy, so you know what it means, and nobody will surprise you afterward.”