Vibrations

On our way back, I look at Mbiri heavily. My mind is still pondering what happened two hours ago. Mbiri has killed a man… a man who tried to kill me. I still try to discern how I should feel… Life is full of contradictions. There is no way to deny it. How can someone save a life by taking away another’s? I do not know. But my mind seems to be stuck with this idea. Until I find a response comforting for my ears, I am not sure if I will be able to think about something else. Yet, I already know that I am a bad liar right now. There is something else. Another subject that is very present inside me. This thing takes as much space as the death of the fugitive from Mbiri’s hands. It concerns the spirit of the moon, Yulin. The closer we are to the night, the more excited I feel. We, humans, are definitely strange animals. While I am walking back to The Community along Mbiri, my mind is divided between remorse for responsibility in a murder and joy for the strong meditation I will face this evening. I sigh. What a fool I can be sometimes.

After Mbiri and I completed the mission with only the two of us, we were authorized to directly join The Community building. It was a kind of reward from our supervisor, Mundra. He seemed to be proud of us. I was glad for the permission, even though I felt bad for Tariro. She had to go with the other and bring the fugitive’s corpse to the military fort. Hopefully, we all have real guard outfits, so it will not be too strange for them to walk with a coated corpse right in the middle of the huge city of Gungara… Still, I am certain that this is nothing to be particularly proud about. Good luck, Tariro. I hope you will not come back too late.

As we reach the large building and enter the hall of The Community, Mbiri and I soon part ways. I intend to make use of the additional time I won to enjoy my meal. And, I have one precise idea to do so. Determined, I walk in the direction of the fields in the gardens. Looking at the position of the sun, I guess that my friend should soon be ready to join me for the evening meal. As I step into the outside courtyard, I find him finishing to turn over the soil in the fields, preparing for the next planting. Gudo and I rarely get to spend time together anymore, ever since we were accepted into our respective groups: him into the Hands and me into the Blades. Even from the moment we met, we were opposites in how we liked to spend our free time. I suppose it was inevitable that our paths within the Community would turn out the same way.

Now that he has joined the Hands, his routine cannot compare to mine. He must always work where his help is needed, not having the luxury to choose anymore. Their organization within the Hands is similar to our own in the Blades. Like us, they have a supervisor. Every day, they will meet in a secluded area in the courtyard so their supervisor can assign people to the needed tasks. They can also be asked to carry out tasks that common members do not have access to, like renovating walls or carving new sets of stones for places that are too damaged and must be partially rebuilt. For this reason, even when I have time to work in the fields for my afternoon work, I am not likely to meet Gudo anymore. To be honest, I miss his daily presence and joyfulness. His orange-hazelnut eyes, smiling at everything in life, brought me comfort back then. Thus, when we both sit at our table, opposite each other, I feel relieved. It has been a long time since I could share a simple moment like this with my friend Gudo.

For our meal, we opted for simplicity: roasted field pumpkins. Thanks to the recent harvest, we have so many pumpkins that it would be stupid not to use them. Once my mouth is full, we both feel ready to delve deeper into our conversation. Gudo is the first one to ask me something,

“So, how was your day? Looking at your face, I would say that you clearly seem exhausted. Tell me, what has he done this time?”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Shungu, of course,” Gudo interjects with a devilish smile.

I laugh as I always do with him. His jokes are often predictable. But my laugh is as much related to the joke itself as to the stupid face he manages to create while spitting them out. Coming back to myself, I recount what I have gone through in today’s mission,

“You know me, Gudo. Usually, I’m always on the lookout. Especially in this kind of situation. It was not that surprising that the fugitive would pretend to sleep and attempt something foolish. I even knew beforehand that he had stolen an axe from the guard he killed… Yet, I didn’t see it coming!”

“Hey, calm down, Xia. You’re even more exhausted than I thought. Indeed, they do not go easy on you after joining the Blades… We can’t be at our best every day in our lives. It’s fine. You know that. It’s funny because you are often the one to give encouraging words to Tariro, and this is nice of you, really. But perhaps you should also try to apply those to yourself. I’m just saying.”

Ouch, he got me. I forgot how strongly a few precisely selected words can resonate in oneself. He is right. I should try to be nicer to myself. Besides, I know why I was not quite focused when the fugitive attacked me. I was too busy thinking about the spirit of the moon, Yulin. The thing is… I have made so many choices in my life to please this spirit and follow its call that, once I am on the verge of discovering something big, I cannot stop thinking about it. In those conditions, how could be focus on defending myself against a fugitive? I could not. And, to be honest, his sleeping act seemed convincing from afar… As I let my mind run wild, Gudo keeps gazing at me warily.

“Xia, you are very silent. Is everything alright? Do you need to speak about something else? Perhaps you dropped some part of your brain after spending too much time on missions with Shungu?”

I pause my thoughts and watch him with a mix of desperation and a guilty chuckle.

“Stop messing with him, haha. You know he’s been much kinder to us for a long time. Whether it’s to please Tariro or out of real sincerity, he has changed. You’re just pushing it, you ridiculous joker!”

“Okay, you got me. I will let Shungu aside. But seriously, Xia, tell me, is there a problem you want to speak about?”

I am hesitant. Gudo has always been a trustworthy friend for me within The Community. I can count on him as much as Tariro. And right now, I want to speak about Yulin to someone else. I still wonder why I keep it so secret and intimate. Yes, here in The Community, we revere Zuva, the spirit of the sun. We place them above everything else, but this does not mean we disrespect other spirits. Perhaps I have been paranoid all this time? Anyway, this is Gudo, he is my friend and a member of The Community only since last year, exactly like me. Even if this building has some secrets regarding Yulin, there is no way that Gudo is related to any of that. It is often difficult for me to understand why I am being so intent on not mentioning Yulin at all within The Community. My hesitation mostly comes from uneasy feelings that I cannot quite explain with sensible reasons. Some part of me senses that the spirit of the moon wants me to be cautious. Who knows what knowledge the Herald could hold for himself? I already discovered a hidden door in the hall. Although it is right in front of everyone’s eyes, it would be hard to suspect anything without knowing that something is hidden on the other side of the wall. This is definitely strange. Suddenly, I hear Gudo’s voice trying to reach me worriedly.

“You’re doing it again.”

Distracted, I turn my head in his direction, “Doing what?”

“Getting lost in your thoughts. Apparently, something is clearly troubling you today. Xia, what is it? Please, you’re not alone, feel free to speak freely.”

His kind words touch me, breaking the last hesitation I could hold to tell him the truth.

“Well, what would you say if I told you that I am connected to another spirit?”

Gudo thinks for a moment before answering. He seems to be seriously considering my question without doubting me. Exactly what a true friend would do.

“Either you’re speaking about Zuva, the spirit of the sun, and if that’s the case, I would not find it very surprising, or… you’re mentioning another spirit. If, by one way or another, this is related to a different spirit, I would wonder how you managed to keep a bond with them while living in The Community. We haven’t left the building for a whole year, and nothing in the courtyard gardens comes close to the environment needed for a spirit, like a large river or an ancient mountain — so, tell me, which spirit is it?”

As expected from Gudo, he is perceptive. Then, I can only answer his well-selected question, “The moon.”

His eyes widen for a second before calming down. Does he think I am a liar? I hope not. Interrupting my worries, he replies, “The moon? But I have never heard of anything similar. We are already communing with the sun, so it would make sense that the moon too can connect to us. Still, I’m startled. How can you be certain that this is the spirit of the moon? And why does it trouble you?”

“It’s been a long time since I could feel them. It all started when one day, I was not paying much attention to the hour. By mistake, I ended up meditating at night while thinking about Zuva. This day, I felt a different connection than what I usually received from Zuva. It was something else, something more intense. And, after many trials and errors while meditating in the depths of the night, I could tell more clearly that my connection with the spirit of the moon was genuine. I even experienced some troubling things, like my choice to join The Community. You know, before being here, I was living a comfortable life with my former lover. Our life consisted of taking care of our animals. This was the dream I had when I was a child. But it all changed when, while meditating on the moon, I was physically called to come here. It happens so many times that I finally decided to leave everything behind me and discover what I had to live within The Community. It has been a year now, and I’m getting close to something new regarding my connection with the spirit of the moon.

“What… what do you mean?” I could hear the puzzlement in Gudo’s voice. All of this must be a lot for him. At least he seems to believe me, so I have no reason not to continue.

“It’s been a few days since I feel something growing between the moon and me. I’m certain that this evening, during my night meditation, I will discover or live something different, something strong and important. This is difficult to describe more precisely, as I do not know what will happen. I can simply speak about what I feel inside me.”

Understanding, Gudo says, “All of this is impressive. After hearing you, I think there is only one thing I can tell you, good luck for this evening. I’m rooting for the amazing experience you should have this night. I hope you will tell me more next time we are together.

“Is that all? Shouldn’t you try to convince me to be more focused on Zuva?”

“Xia, I’ve seen you meditate for the spirit of the sun many times. I know you’re giving it all. I do not doubt your sincerity. Perhaps, when you feel ready or know more about this spirit of the moon, you could even share your experiences with other members. It would be interesting to know if other people have lived something similar or if they know why you sense the moon attracting you to The Community.”

“It could be, I will see. Thanks for your support.”

“No worries, just try to have faith in whatever you’re destined to live this evening. I do not doubt that the spirit of the moon is powerful, loving, and benevolent like Zuva. You should not be too stressed about it.”

Gudo’s words are simple, but they pierce through my heart. I needed understanding and support from a friend. I am glad Gudo could be there for me. We soon finish our meal, and I thank him once again as we split to reach our respective bedrooms. Once inside, I sigh with relief. More than ever, I am ready for my night meditation.

Boiling with excitement, I close the door carefully. The rest of the new Blades have not come back yet. They must have been restrained for a while in the military fort of Gungara to explain the details of what happens. I hope Mbiri and I were precise enough in our recounting to help them proceed smoothly with the real guards of the city. Anyway, Mundra is with them. Our supervisor should be used to this kind of procedure, so I am not much preoccupied with it. I want to think about myself presently. Yulin is waiting.

Reproducing my usual motions for the night meditations, I stretch my arms, infusing my body with the pure light of the moon. I am glad that tonight the sky is clear. Not a single cloud is visible from the narrow window in my bedroom. The moon is resplendent. I do not remember the last time the white sphere was this bright. Its different patches are plainly visible and show how complex this large celestial body is.

Now, I can start to reach Yulin, the mighty moon that stirs duty and greatness in my heart. As I begin to recite the words imprinted deep in my soul, I feel an urge to modify them.

“Moon falling, mind blooming.

They are the realm of our dreams, yet they transcend.

They are the being of our streams, yet they descend.

Yulin, beauty of white, shining of light.

Emerge before your devotee and show them the way,

for they truly wish to see the day.”

I stumble, agitated from my own words. What does this mean? Did I say emerge? I do not have time to comprehend any of it as light surges in my room. Everything is so bright, I crave to close my eyes but refuse. My devotion is too deep to abandon now. I must see for myself what is happening. The longer my vision sticks to the constant flash of light, the sharper my surroundings become. Progressively, I witness in awe what is happening. A silhouette fills the previously empty space of my room. Their shape is human, but taller than any person I have ever met in my life. Be it the legs or the arms, they are thin and elegant. The body before me seems to fuse with energy as constant spirals of ethereal indigo light wander within its chest. Every part of the body is a mix of white and night blue. As for the face, it is by far the most enchanting characteristic. Their features are uncertain, but they remain profoundly enjoyable to look at. Harmonizing the overall shape, long, endless curly hair covers the right and left sides of the body. They split around the head, creating two unfathomable waterfalls of beauty. I cannot tell if the figure in front of me is feminine or masculine. All I know is that they transpire infinity.

The strange figure stretches their right arm in my direction as a light stream of whiteness connects them to me. My mind comes back to reality. In the blink of an eye, I better understand what is going on. This silhouette can only be Yulin, the spirit of the moon. This is… unbelievable.

I am frozen on the spot. What should I say? How must I address them? By chance, I am not the one to start the conversation. A hypnotic voice covers the room with a melodious and comforting sound.

“Little light, I have descended. Are you the connected?”

I know the answer. Raising my shoulders, I answer with determination.

“I am.”

Coming one step closer, Yulin speaks again.

“Akin is close. Find them, connected soul. They are constrained. The end is near. Find them. The feeble gates must truly be opened.”

While I ponder Yulin’s words, trying to understand what they represent, I hear a rubbing sound behind me. Turning around, I see a man coming to my room. This is Gudo. Wait, what? Stepping inside, he stops between Yulin and me.

“Gudo, why are…”

I cannot finish my sentence as Yulin raises their voice over mine.

“Akin.”

Taking over the conversation, Gudo responds to Yulin, “Did Akin know your name?”

The spirit of the moon does not answer directly. Finally, they resume, “My name is Rima… Akin, why is your core stranded in this shape?

“I’m Gudo. Pleased to meet you, Rima.”

I am speechless. How? What? … I feel lost with the situation as I watch a scene I do not comprehend.

Yulin does not wait long this time to retort, “Your words do not make sense. Why have you stopped infusing your spirituality?”

“Spirit of the moon, I’m sorry to inform you that Akin is no more. I have taken their place.”

Yulin moves backward a bit, their brightness switching peculiarly. Soon, their voice reverberates, “What are you? I sense Akin inside of you.”

“I told you, I’m Gudo. But contrary to my appearance, I’m a very old person. Not as much as you are obviously, but still. I’m so old that in the era where I was born, spirits were much more present in everyone’s lives. Back then, the strongest of them all, the arrogant sun, had seen something they found enjoyable. They did not care to know if this thing belonged to someone else. No, not at all. They wanted to acquire it for themselves. And that’s what they tried to do.”

Silence emerges. What is this nonsense story? And more importantly, why is Gudo speaking with a voice I don’t recognize? Gudo is not looking at me. His eyes are fixed on Yulin as he resumes his speech, “At first, I was surprised to discover that such an omnipotent spirit could be so foolish. Why would they try to steal something that they do not own? Perhaps their immense power gave them an impression of being limitless. But, through their desire, Akin, the so mighty spirit of the sun, made one mistake. They attempted to steal me, the honest Gudo, or should I say Masimba. Of all people, they cast their gaze on me, the most determined of them all. After that, the end belongs to history: I pretended to be a simpleton and let the spirit of the sun approach me in its weakest shape. This stupid Akin, Zuva, or whatever they’re called, had chosen to transform into their human form so they could hold the object of their desires in their hands. Just like the shape you are in right now, Rima. And so, I chose this moment of selfishness from the spirit of the sun to strike them and absorb their power within me.”

I want to feel shocked, but cannot. Who is this person? He hinted that Masimba was his real name. Did he hide his true name to plot something? And why is he pretending to have taken the power of the sun? Such a thing is impossible. Not only that, but the sun is there. Every day we meditate for them.

At this instant, some part of me wishes to ask something, anything, so I can understand what Gudo is speaking about. But I do not. I feel that this discussion has become Yulin’s property. I have no right to interfere with them. I am just a humble servant of this great spirit. I will let Yulin decide what to do with Gudo. And, if they ask for my help, I will do my best to react accordingly. Though I cannot promise anything. Actually, my mind is shattered between disbelief, fear, incomprehension, and awe. Those are too many different emotions for one person to experience at the same time. Hold on, Xia.

Then, Yulin amplifies their melodious voice, “Listen, Gudo. Free Akin’s spirituality. The gates are unstable. If they do not fully reopen, everything will disappear.”

Gudo takes another step forward, “Hmm… Would you ask a crocodile to stop living in water? No, you would not because it is impossible, and that’s the same thing for me — I’m sorry. I’ve just gained too much. Thanks to this spirit of the sun, I’ve become ageless. The only inconvenience is that sometimes, I need to consume life’s energy to restore my youth… In the beginning, I could go hundreds of years without taking in any new life energy. But as the centuries passed, I found myself needing it more and more often. So, it has become quite troublesome. Before meeting you, I was running out of solutions. I needed another source of immense power, but was unable to find any. But here you came, Rima, spirit of the moon. Thanks to our common friend Xia, I was able to sense your influence and glimpse your power through Xia’s energy. And now, here I am catching you during your weak human form. I must say, I am a lucky one. Thank you, Rima. I should voice my recognition while I still can, because after I take your energy, you won’t be able to speak again. Bye then.”

I blink, unsure of Gudo’s last words. I do not have any time to think or react. In an instant, Gudo is rushing for Yulin’s spiritual body, stretching his hands to absorb it. I see Yulin’s silhouette trying to dissipate before Gudo can come in contact with them, but it is of no use. Gudo was prepared, and like during a Mahag Chase game, he is fast. When his fingers brush Yulin’s shape, a white flash appears. I hear an explosion, but cannot see anything. Waves of power push my body to the ground… I do not sense anything else. It is all black, everything is black. My mind is dizzy as it merges with the infinite void around me. I do not feel my body anymore, and I am unsure if my own spirit is… there…

Xia…

Who is this?

Is she the soul from my previous life?

I see, so it shall end like this and start anew somewhere else…