Confession

Covering my face from the light, I woke up with the morning sunlight to the best of my abilities. The weather was hot and humid at the same time. Even though I was still not able to go outside of Nyore’s hut on my own, I could tell easily. The wall of her hut was not as large as The Community’s building. I could feel the soft breeze dancing on my neck while my forehead seemed larger in the warm atmosphere.

My health was starting to get better. Over the course of several days, Nyore gradually removed the fig tree leaves, bit by bit, as she treated the strange burning areas on my skin. I had yet to discover the mystery behind those burns, but my mind accommodated to them. There is nothing I could do or change right now to help me understand. Only when I came back to The Community would I discover what happened. I had reasoned myself to wait peacefully while making acquaintance with the woman who saved me. Once you decided to move over the first meeting wall and the intimidation felt from speaking with Nyore, things were much easier. Though she was elegant and distinguished in her behavior, she also had a unique warmth in her attitude. As I started to keep my consciousness more often, I spent most of my time observing her. Her movements were precise and depicted a sincere care for others. Nyore would never rush anything. From the moment she had decided to accomplish something, she would see it through to the end with the utmost care. This fire inside her was impressive. It made me look at her more kindly. For one of the first times in my life, I was learning to know someone mostly by observing them, as I was too weak to speak with ease. Some part of me even enjoyed focusing all my attention on this task. It felt refreshing. I had a few days when all I had to do was examine. I was a ghost, the spectator of someone else’s life. The fear and pressure of deceiving the spirit of the moon, Yulin, had disappeared. No too early missions were waiting for me as a recent member of the Blades. I could sleep as much as I needed, for no gong would wake me up to announce our daily meditation for Tudigan. Life was good, but I could not let myself abandon everything. I knew it, hidden, far beneath my brief respite, I was trying to cover the overwhelming fears inside me. Haunted by the fear of disappointing Yulin after the incident, I still had difficulty understanding what had happened between them and Gudo. And fear for my friends who could have been caught up in the unexplained explosion. Some part of me could not give up the idea that Gudo or Tariro were dead right now. Until I got certain proof, I would live in fear. Mixed between calm observation, comfy respite, and crushing fear, I witnessed three more days pass before me. Those days of quiet observation and hidden fears slowly pushed my body toward recovery.

Now, I feel sturdier. My jaw moves smoothly, and my throat feels alive again, almost begging for action. Although it is too soon for me to walk as my legs remain fragile, I can try to share long conversations with Nyore without fearing the aftermath from the pain in my mouth. While she approaches me for the morning, I ask her a casual question regarding her necklace. She often wears it by hiding it beneath the various layers of clothes she wears. It took me time to notice its existence. The piece of jewelry is simple in its pattern but complex through its repetition. A simple, thin, sturdy rope holds countless tiny bands of white. The necklace has two distinct sections. The first half, closest to the opening, has tight bands that directly come in contact together and create a line of white shapes with slight variations. The second half alternates between the small bands and larger ones. This alternation shows a nice contrast, making the overall necklace more interesting to the eyes.

“I like your necklace. Even if you hide it, I find it delicate. I have never seen this white texture. It makes me think of bones, but the white is stronger. I wonder what it is made of.”

Stopping in her task, she takes off her necklace and puts it into my right hand.

“Try to be careful. It can break easily.”

I faze for a second, surprised that she first put something in my hand and then decides to tell me how fragile it is. Hopefully, I remained steady as I touched the white bands carefully.

“The necklace is made from ostrich shell with their empty eggs. Once the babies are hatched, the eggs remain on the ground. Some villagers like to harvest them and create jewels with them. Of course, this requires a lot of patience if you want to gather enough shells to make a jewel like this one. In some areas near Gungara, you can find various ostriches grazing on grass and moving together. They prefer to stay between of five to ten. This way, it’s easier for them to catch sight of possible predators and react more swiftly. It has always been my favorite animal in Zimori.”

“Who gave it to you?”

“It’s my turn to ask a question. Don’t you know any politeness? Being younger than me doesn’t excuse everything.”

I do not know what to say as I keep my mouth slightly open for a second. Apparently, this woman is more playful than I thought. I have spent enough days watching her to tell that she is playing me. I have no reason not to be kind to her.

Smiling lightly, I respond, “Go on then, I’m listening.”

She smiles back.

“What is your work in Gungara?”

Shit… What should I tell her? I remember the inhabitants of Gungara did not view members of The Community in a good light. Think Xia, think. Oh, I know!

“I’m a guard living in the military fort within the big city.”

“A woman? That’s the first time I heard anything like that. You should be proud of yourself. I will be glad to tell the other wives and girls in the nearby villages about it. A warrior lady, how comforting. I already suspected you had an uncommon job for a woman. After taking care of your body for so long, I have seen its many secrets and could tell you have strong muscles.”

I was not expecting Nyore to praise me like this. Her words feel strangely heartwarming. I have never personally experienced the idea that, as a woman, I was not fit to be a warrior. Yet, after spending so much time with Tariro, who had suffered under her family’s expectations before joining The Community, I could understand what Nyore meant. The sudden joy I was feeling was as much my own as Tariro’s, I am certain of it.

Sadly, thinking about my friend, of whom I have no news, makes me shift inside. The happiness I experienced a second ago vanished as soon as it came. Nyore seemed to notice it as she was already observing me closely during our conversation. Spontaneously, she rubs my forehead gently.

“No matter how old we become, we always continue to miss the people who are dearest to us. I will not hold you here longer than you must. Of course, I would be glad if you could repay the time I lost healing you with your own, but I will not impose this on you.”

I nod in appreciation, but the sudden sadness does not make me lose my curiosity as I ask, “Could I know you gave you the necklace now?”

“Yes. This unique necklace was given to me by Fari, the king of Zimori.”

“How is that possible? Oh, I got it, you’re making fun of me once again, that’s silly.” We chuckle with one another as I resume my question, “Okay, you made me laugh. But this wasn’t the real answer. What is the truth, Nyore?”

“You heard it, but I can repeat myself if you wish. The person who gave me this unique necklace is the current king of Zimori, Fari. Trusting me or not won’t change the truth behind it.”

I examine her eyes more closely. There is no silliness. She is deadly serious. Although she laughed with me, she was honest from the start, or she is a very good liar… I cannot tell.

“If what you claim is the truth, how come the king himself gave you a necklace?”

Unperturbed, she explains, “You’re not following the rules, Xia. It’s my turn for a question. If you are truly willing to know the truth, would you accept going through the trial of the blade?”

“What is this?”

“This is a simple test old people like me used to do when they wished to show their trust in each other. Each of us must extend our arm and throw a blade above our head while promising something. If we are going to keep the promise in the future, the blade won’t touch our arm. Otherwise, it will cut deeply.”

I’m flabbergasted.

“Could the truth behind the origins of your necklace be so dangerous that you would try such a thing?”

Nyore nods, her eyes as serious as ever.

I hesitate before giving her my answer. Am I ready to risk my arm just to know this? Or, is this woman trying to fool me? This makes no sense. She has been kind to me for ten long days, adjusting her daily life to make sure I was alright and tending to my every need. As I was about to refuse Nyore’s proposal, one last thought made me hesitate. What if I had something important to learn during my stay here? I could tell from the beginning that Nyore was mysterious and had secrets of her own. My duty for Yulin has not changed. I must not risk any opportunity to fulfill my call.

Switching my mind, I reply, “I accept the trial.”

Nyore’s expression does not shift the slightest as she says, “You are the one to make the request, so you must be the first to go through the trial. Do you still agree?”

“I do.”

She moves some feet away to catch a short knife used for her daily cooking. Then, she helps me to stretch my arm and asks me to hold the position. I comply, closing my eyes and preparing for the worst to happen.

I wait.

Wait again.

Suddenly, I hear the noise made by the knife as it is thrown in the air. I grin.

…

Clink, clink, clink…

The knife falls to the ground, my arm unharmed. I sigh with relief and open my eyes to see the short blade two meters away from me. How could it fall this far? Turning my head to look at Nyore, I listen to her.

“You did not think I would attempt such a thing. It’s always fascinating how people from the surroundings can easily fool Gungarians.”

My eyes narrow on their own. How could she…

“Do not look at me like that, Xia. I was not playing with you. I give you my word. The reason I was given this necklace is something I’m in constant danger of. I had to test your sincerity. No, don’t keep your angry gaze, listen. The king Fari gave me this necklace because I am… his mother.”

Once again, I am speechless.

A subtle tear appears in the corner of her right eye. Either she is a good actress, or she is speaking the truth. I should hear the true story before judging her claim.

“How can it be? Why would you live here if you are the mother of the king? I don’t know much about you, but looking at your kindness, I can’t imagine your own son trying to hurt you.”

“Have you heard of the royal curse of Zimori?”

“Is it related to the relatives of the king dying one after another for unknown reasons?”

Nyore’s eyes widen. Apparently, she was not expecting me to be aware of this.

“The little knowledge you have is impressive. Except for the closest members of the king, people do not know of the curse. Where have you learned this?

Find a lie, Xia, quickly! My mind stresses out.

“I overheard a discussion between members of the king’s court one day during my guard duty,” I explained without much conviction. Nyore’s expression does not shift. My lie seems to work out. This was close…

“I see, let me tell you what I know then. You should learn more about it and understand why I now live in this modest hut, outside of Gungara. You see, every member close to the royal family fears the curse. Many of us have died in strange circumstances. My husband, the father of the king, was a faraway cousin of the previous king. He was a lively man who lived his life without much preoccupation for the future. I often miss his carefreeness. He was working for the Trade Advisor and traveled to the other grand cities close to the Kingdom of Zimori. Sadly, he caught a disease while coming back from his last trip. Back then, Fari was only seven years old… The accident sounded very coherent, and people only said that the curse had struck once again. But I was not going to believe something like this. He had always been cautious about the possible disease people could contract on a boat. He would also buy precautionary mixtures from a renowned doctor of Gungara. In short, there was no reason for him to die like this, even more so as he was the only one to meet his end during the trip… From this point, I felt in danger every day of my life. I was constantly on my guard, hinting that someone was soon going to orchestrate my own death. My instinct was screaming at me to flee and save the lives of my son and myself. To shut my remaining doubts, one last thing happened. Right after the death of my husband, a mysterious man became the official teacher of my son. He had been named by the previous king himself, so I couldn’t say anything against it. I would meet him briefly every day and explain how my son was feeling after the death of his father. My son loved him and seemed to look at him as a substitute father. I felt helpless. I will never forget the name of this teacher… He is the one who took my son away, Masimba.”

The name sounded familiar to my ears. Was I forgetting something important? I did not linger on the feeling. I was too immersed in Nyore’s story as I could sense every emotion behind her words.

“I had to flee with him. There was no other option. But I could not… Once this Masimba came into the life of my son, there was always someone near him to watch over him. From that day on, I never had any moments alone with my son again. There were always guards, healers, or servants watching over him. Otherwise, it was Masimba himself. Neither I nor anyone else had the right to be present during the learning sessions between my son and Masimba. He was a strange man who exerted a strange influence over Fari. I tried to protest, but the orders of the king were final, and no one could refuse them.

One night, I could not continue like this anymore and was certain that the people behind all of this would find a way to kill me and blame it on the royal curse. I stole the blade of the guard watching over my son while he slept. I had made him fall asleep with an inhalation I had placed in the room myself. Thankfully, I was prepared and used clothes to cover my face to weaken the effect of the sleeping smoke.

When I entered the room of my seven‑year‑old son, he would not let me take him. Masimba had told him that I was trying to take him away from his home. He did not want to go but gave me his white ostrich‑shell collar, so I would never forget him. I was shocked, puzzled. How could my son have become so mature in six months? But at the same time, he had become too influenced by this Masimba. I was too shocked and gave up on taking him with me.

After the death of my husband, I discovered I was pregnant. I tried my best to hide it, but I could not wait any longer. I would not allow the same control over him as had happened to Fari. So I fled far away and lived in a small village, days away from Gungara.”

Having hung on every word, I asked spontaneously, “Why have you come back near Gungara then? If what you say is true, you could still be in danger.”

Sighing with exhaustion, she replied, “This was not my choice but my son’s decision. Since Chipiri learned the truth about his past, he has always wished to return to Gungara and do his best to help people. I think he feels responsible for my inability to act. I assure you, I was shocked when I learned that Fari was chosen as the new king when the old one passed away. But at the same time, it all made more sense. The decision of the previous king to watch over him was because he was the oldest and one of the few remaining descendants of the royal bloodline…”

Suddenly, soft tears appeared in Nyore’s eyes.

“My younger son Chipiri could be in danger, showing himself around and acting against the king’s decisions to protect the nearby villagers. I fear for him, I fear for his life. Please, Xia, even if it is only for a short time, now that you know everything… could you use the blade I have kept all this time and protect him while he walks between the villages? He is becoming more and more well‑known. Some people even call him the village chief. If King Fari learns about this, he could end up killing his own brother without knowing it…”

As Nyore repeats the name of her second son, I remember that I have already met him. I received so much information… Nyore could not have invented all of this. Feeling the same emotions of sadness and urgency, I fall asleep without having the opportunity to respond.

I settle down on the mat, my legs crossed with trembling effort. The night air is cool, the soft chirping of crickets blending with the rustling of distant leaves. I take a deep breath, trying to still the thoughts tumbling through my mind, thoughts of Gudo, of the explosion, of what happened to me. But most of all, my thoughts are with Yulin.

The moon is nowhere to be seen tonight, hidden by a blanket of clouds, but I know it’s there, somewhere in the heavens, watching over me. A faint memory of their radiant form flickers in my mind, that overwhelming light, the purity of their presence. I close my eyes, trying to focus.

Yulin… I whisper inside my mind, please guide me.

I can feel them. A thread. A faint connection, like a whisper through a wall, but it is there. I grasp for it, reaching into the cold void that envelops me, hoping for any sign of their warmth. But the thread… it feels like it’s been pulled away, distant, too far to touch. Why? My heart twists. Why can I not reach you, Yulin? Why does it feel like you are blocking me?

The sensation is there, but it is weak. Too weak. Almost like a faint echo of something that should be stronger. I wait in silence, forcing myself to relax, to let the calm wash over me. Still, nothing. No response. I can feel the coldness of the distance between us, as if Yulin has turned away just enough to keep me from reaching them. A quiet ache presses against my chest.

Suddenly, I feel a tug. A sharp pull, but not from Yulin. It is something else, something far more unsettling. A flood of images rushes through my mind, flashes of memories that aren’t mine. Faces, voices, sensations. I see her, the woman, the one whose life I lived before. I see her smiling, so soft, so tender. She laughs. That laugh, it is so real, I can almost feel it in my bones. But then… then I see a shadow creep across her happiness. Her husband’s eyes, cold and filled with a quiet, simmering jealousy. The way he watches her, how his hands tremble when Akin, no, not Akin… the sun spirit, the one who shone with golden warmth, looks at her with such admiration.

I blink, and the vision shifts again. This time, the woman is standing before Akin. She is glowing in the presence of the spirit, her eyes full of something like wonder, something so alive. I can almost hear the crackling of the air between them, the hum of something ancient, divine. Masimba. The name flickers in my mind like a broken shard of glass, jagged and unfamiliar. Masimba… The name doesn’t fit, not here, not in this vision. But it presses against my consciousness, pulling me deeper. I don’t know who this person is, but something about the name feels important. The thread of the memory shifts, a new scene. The woman, no longer laughing, but standing still, looking towards the man. The man whose warmth had once wrapped around her now turned cold, unfeeling. What happened to him? What happened to her?

The vision twists again. Masimba. I see his face now. A face that does not belong here, but it is there, in the woman’s life, her heart, her memories. Masimba. I don’t understand why this name burns into my mind so sharply, why it calls me, but it does.

I open my eyes, breathe shallow, heart racing. The sensation of the vision lingers, heavy in my chest. I can still feel it, still see the flicker of Masimba’s presence like a shadow dancing just beyond my reach. But there is no answer. No guidance from Yulin. Only the distant hum of something deeper, something that ties my soul to this strange world I am caught in.

I try again. Yulin… But it is still the same. Silence. That faint, almost imperceptible pull of something blocking me. And in the distance, the name lingers, Masimba.

I open my eyes and sigh, feeling the weight of the night press heavier against me. I can’t understand what is happening, but the connection to Yulin… it is broken, blocked. I can’t reach them. Not yet. Not now. But the feeling of Masimba, of that name, continues to echo in my mind, as if it is calling me to something I cannot yet see.

I close my eyes again, trying to hold onto the warmth of Yulin’s presence, but the shadows pull me deeper. And somewhere, far away, I hear the name again. Masimba.

I’ve spent the night trying to settle my thoughts, piecing together fragments of dreams and memories that feel more like someone else’s. The ache in my chest is still there, an empty hollow where warmth should be, but the morning light has brought with it a slight clarity. I’ve found the stillness that eluded me in the depths of the night.

I’ve made up my mind. I’ll help Nyore. I’ll help protect Chipiri if that’s what it takes.

I’m no longer as unsure as I was when I first heard her request. The pull in my chest when I think of Yulin is still present, but now it is accompanied by something new, a sense of duty, of purpose. I can’t explain it clearly, but it’s there. It’s enough.

I rise from where I’ve been sitting on the ground, wiping my palms on my worn clothes, a sigh escaping my lips. Nyore stands before me, her hands folded together, holding a blade. It’s a simple thing. The weight of it is small yet significant. The edge gleams in the light, darkened slightly by time, but there’s a story in it, a history that I can feel pressing down on me.

“You can’t stay unarmed, Xia,” Nyore says softly, her voice steady despite the urgency that lurks in her words. “Take this. I carried it with me when I fled… It’s all I could save.”

I reach out, my fingers brushing the hilt. For a moment, I hesitate. The blade feels foreign in my hand, its weight different from the knives I once carried, but something about it feels like it belongs to me, like it’s the missing piece I’ve been searching for.

I nod to Nyore, and she watches me for a moment longer, her eyes narrowing as if trying to read what’s hidden beneath my surface. Then she turns away, and I follow her without a word. This is the path I’ve chosen.

By midday, we arrive at the outskirts of the village where Chipiri lives. The hut that he has been rebuilding stands in the shadow of the nearby trees, half-constructed but strong enough to stand against the winds from last night. I’m surprised to see him working so diligently, his hands moving deftly as he pushes a large beam into place. The wind had torn through this area, knocking down a tree and damaging the structure, but now, in the calm of the new day, Chipiri is focused, his movements almost mechanical in their precision.

He glances up when he notices me, his face splitting into a small smile. It’s not much, but I can see the quiet relief in his eyes when he sees that I’ve returned. “Good to see you, Xia,” he says, the words unspoken but still present between us. He doesn’t ask why I’m here. He doesn’t need to.

I work beside him, both of us silent as we lift beams and prop up walls. I wonder if this silence is something that comes with the shared burden of being seen as outsiders, or if it’s simply the quiet that passes between two people who understand each other in ways words can’t express. Either way, there is a sense of calm between us, something that feels almost normal.

For the first time in a while, the pain in my chest dulls, the weight of my mind temporarily lightened by the physical task at hand. I don’t feel the need to speak much, and neither does Chipiri. Every now and then, I glance at him, watching the way his hands move, how they shake slightly, as if the tremor of his past still clings to him.

We finish what we can by the time the sun begins its descent. Chipiri pauses for a moment, wiping his brow with the back of his hand, before turning to me. “Thank you,” he says, his voice quiet but genuine. “This place, it means something to me.”

I nod, not needing to say anything. We both understand that words aren’t always necessary. The work itself speaks louder than any of them.

The next day, we head back to finish the repairs. The wind has calmed, and the sky is clear. It’s a good day for rebuilding, for putting things right. But as we make our way through the village, I notice something strange in the air, a shift, a tension that feels almost palpable. The people here are moving in a hurried, uncomfortable way, as if something is amiss. My hand instinctively moves to the hilt of the blade Nyore gave me, the steel cold against my palm.

And then, I see him, a guard. His uniform is different from the usual ones around here. His posture is rigid, military, and he’s scanning the village with a sharp gaze. Something in his eyes catches me, and I immediately recognize him as someone who’s no stranger to danger. There’s an air about him, a kind of cold authority, and something about the way he carries himself tells me he’s seen more battles than he’s probably willing to admit.

I glance at Chipiri out of the corner of my eye. His expression doesn’t change, but I see the way his shoulders tighten ever so slightly, like a coil pulled too tight. I can almost feel the weight of his thoughts, the careful way he’s trying to appear unbothered.

The guard notices us, his gaze snapping toward Chipiri. I can see his eyes narrowing, assessing. The village is quiet, too quiet, like a spring wound up too tight. I hold my breath for a moment, waiting for something to break.

The guard begins to approach us slowly, his boots thudding softly against the dirt. My hand tightens around the blade’s hilt, and for a fleeting moment, I think of just running. But there’s no time for hesitation.

When the guard is just a few paces away, he stops, eyes focused directly on Chipiri. “I’ve heard word that you’ve been in contact with someone named Nyora, or perhaps Nyori?” The name strikes me like a blow to the chest, and I see Chipiri’s eyes flicker, but he doesn’t react. He doesn’t flinch. Still, I can feel the tension coiling tighter around us, a thread ready to snap.

Chipiri doesn’t answer immediately. I can almost hear him weigh his options, trying to decide whether to deny or confront. Finally, he speaks, his voice even. “I don’t know anyone by that name.”

The guard doesn’t seem convinced, but he doesn’t push further, instead shifting his attention back to me. His gaze is sharp, calculating, as if trying to figure out who I am, what role I play in all of this. I stand my ground, though, eyes steady.

“I’m asking you once more, Chipiri,” the guard continues, his voice low. “You’d better be sure about what you’re telling me.”

And just as I’m about to step forward, I feel something stir within me, an instinct, something old. The way the guard holds himself, his posture, his eyes… the controlled manner in which he speaks… He’s one of them, I realize. A Blade. The feeling hits me like a cold gust of wind, unsettling and sharp. He might not wear the full insignia, but the way he stands, the way he commands the space around him, it’s unmistakable.

But I don’t let any of that show. I have to keep my face calm, neutral. This isn’t the time to reveal anything, not yet.

I shift slightly, catching the guard’s attention. “I have a question for you,” I say, my voice cutting through the thick tension. “The fort of the sun. You’ve heard of it, I assume?”

The guard’s eyes flicker, a brief, almost imperceptible shift, and for a moment.

“The fort of the sun,” the Blade member repeats the name in a whisper, his eyes unfocused as if trying to understand who I was and how I could know about this surname to mention The Community.

“Oh, I recognize you… No, nothing happened except for your desertion with another member. I always knew it was foolish to take women in our ranks. We will keep a watchful eye on the other woman who was accepted with you, trust me. As for you, you are a disgrace to us. After all the guards have given you to train and shape you into a skilled warrior for the king, this is how you thank us… I should leave, it’s clear that I won’t get anything else from either of you!”

Pacing away, the Blade member utters one last warning to Chipiri.

“Be careful, Chipiri, the guards are paying close attention to you. If you don’t become more discreet in your protest for the king, you will soon have no more opportunities to do anything else for the rest of your life.”

As the man figure disappears within the village’s borders, Chipiri turns around and asks, “What is this about? Have you really deserted the guards?”

I could not answer Chipiri. I was too fazed to answer anything. Perhaps… perhaps Nyore is right about the Herald. Could Gudo really be this mysterious and powerful, Masimba? Had he lied to me, to all of us, all this time? Was my own life in danger? All of this does not reveal anything promising for me, Chipiri, or Nyore…